Generally speaking, how do you think others perceive you? theatrical_muse

Not very well. I mean hey I was the bastard evil lawyer working at Wolfram and Hart. The one that tried to foil every one of Angel’s little plans. None of those good guys liked me, of course at Wolfram and Hart I was the golden boy. But now even them, let’s just say don’t like me very well. I guess I didn’t turn out that good. I mean back in the day I wasn’t really liked so much. Growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, I was suppose to become a no body. But then something else happened and I ended up working for the wonderful Wolfram and Hart, and boy did I enjoy that at the beginning. How I worked my way up their ladder, and actually was just about to make it to the top to. But then I changed I guess you could say. Wanted to become someone else, someone who I thought might have just been hiding deep down inside this whole time. Hated to admit that it was Angel that got me to realize that….Although that didn’t last for long. As soon as I found out that Angel got the position of CEO at Wolfram and Hart I changed around my plan and came back. I just couldn’t let him take the keys to the kingdom that easily.

When I came back, people didn’t think of me very well. Especially Wolfram and Hart for that matter. Didn’t think of me that well at all that they sent me to a hell dimension. Thankfully I had the lovely Eve to help me out. She convinced Angel into getting me out of there. I guess someone finally was pretty fond of me, even when I failed. That’s when I started to realize that just maybe someone actually did care about me. The real me, and not the fake me that I’ve been trying to pull off for so long. If it wasn’t for her then who knows where I would be right now. Ok, so I would still be in that hell dimension.

Oh and then there was the fact that Angel had me killed! Yea, that’s right, the bastard vampire with a soul was still up on his high and mighty horse and really didn’t think much of me so had me killed. When someone does something like that then you really know your not liked too well in this world, especially when it’s Mr. I’m going to do good and save the world and I give people chances. Sure didn’t give me one chance, and I was actually liking the whole working for the group/good guys thing.

Doesn’t matter now cuase now I’m back.

Muse: Lindsey
Fandom: Angel
Word Count: 452

Little house, white picket fence in a nice neighborhood..

Couldn’t resist the urge on that one. Now a days my perfect house would be somewhere with Eve, and maybe even somewhere far away from this place or any form of evil or Wolfram and Hart. Even away from Angel.

Just a place for Eve and I to live out the rest of our lives and do as we please. Not have to worry about any sort of Higher Powers or Senior Partners or hell even some champion getting in the way of what we want to do.

Just her and me.

Never thought I would’ve even thought that way either. Look at me acting like some love sick fool, I was all about the job before. I just wanted to have that perfect home…get out of that small town and away from the life I had. I wanted to make something with my life and I did. I continued to climb up the ladder to, I wasn’t going to let anything get in my way and then he came along and started to change everything. Every time I had something going for me Angel would somehow get in the way, but then again if it wasn’t for him getting in the way then I wouldn’t be where I am now, here with Eve. I wouldn’t be writing this and saying that the dream home for me would be with her. Funny the way life can work out.

Muse: Lindsey McDonald
Fandom: Angel
Word Count: 247

Do I even have to answer that question? Guess it wouldn’t be to obvious now.. Let’s see, his name starts with an A. Well besides from knowing that Angel hates me I’d like to know what else he thinks, especially when he decided to have Lorne kill me, or well attempt to kill me. Also I’d like to know just why he is the way he is, like all those righteous decisions he makes trying to save the world. Does he really think that just one man alone, well one vampire alone can stop all the evil in the world. No, it must be that whole curse thing he has going for him, he just wants to be redeemed or some shit like that. Then again don’t we all at some point or another.

Some way’s I’d like to know what my dad thought at different times, about me and about are family. I’d like to see what everyone back at home would think of me if they saw me now. Well, maybe not now but when I was in my prime at Wolfram and Hart. And also sometimes I’d like to think what Eve was thinking, I mean at first I always wanted to know what she was thinking to make sure she really was feeling for me like she said she was. Never really know with anyone that is “evil”. But now I know it is true what she feels, and if not then she’s really good.

Muse: Lindsey McDonald
Fandom: Angel
Word Count: 249

theatrical_muse Write About Your Father

My father...

What could I really say about my father… Guess you could say I have daddy issues or however you want to put it. Best could be summed up in this dream I had the other night:

theatrical_muse

Write a letter to anyone about anything. Say what you have always wanted to say but have been afraid to.

( Dear Angel. )

( ... )

Call me crazy but I sat here tonight wondering what I would ever tell myself if I could go back in time. As much as I’d like to change some of my mistakes I don’t know if I would. Could really fuck up some kid if they got to hear what I had to say. ( So if I could send a letter back in time this is what it’d be )

Current Mood: thoughtful

What do I think when I look into the mirror..that can go all different sorts of ways. The different paths I have travelled down and the different choices I have made. Sometimes I don't really know who is the real me. I see a man, a man who has been though a lot and has tried to change the way his life should be. I was always told i wouldn't become much or even do much for that matter. But that didn't stop me, it never did. I brought myself somewhere, made something out of myself. I was heading to the top of the ladder until something changed. I somehow changed back into that scared boy that I once was. That boy that used to be picked on and bullied. I actually cared and wanted to be redeemed. Guess Angel started to grow on me a bit. Wasn't long though until I realized what I really wanted again. Yet here I am once more not really knowing who I am and what side to play on.

I see a man in the mirror, one who isn't sure of what he really is; evil or good.

Grew up in a small town. Didn’t have much money to our name, no one ever had any sort of faith in me. Was suppose to just grow up and amount to nothing. Guess for awhile I might have actually believed that but then I figured why should I become nothing more then what my father did. Why can’t I go out there and do something else. So that’s what I did. Everyone laughed, a poor boy like me going away to some good college. They all figured nothing would come out of it, that I would just come back there and give up. Well they sure were wrong. Once Holland Manners came to me with a position at Wolfram and Hart I was determined more then ever to prove them all wrong. I was going to climb my way up that ladder. Which is exactly what I did. Sure I just started off in the mail room but look at where I got. If I wouldn’t have had my little change of mind then I would’ve eventually became CEO, would’ve had that job before Angel ever got it. In which he would’ve never ended up being offered it. Which I suppose its good I didn’t do that because I figure then Eve would’ve never been there at the LA branch.

Muse: Lindsey McDonald
Fandom: Angel
Word count: 221

feel_theflames

I didn’t like what I was seeing. Not one bit. At first I wanted to use her to get back at him, thought it was a wonderful plan. Something that he never expected and it was. But then there was something about her, a certain grace you could say. She truly was amazing and I wanted her for me. Of course that wasn’t really in the plan, Wolfram and Hart brought her back so they could use her. As much as I loved the idea of getting back at Angel I started to hate the thought of them using her.

I could see it in her eyes, the shock and sadness from the news that Holden had just told her. I guess that was something you’d expect. You see the way regular humans respond to such news as they are dying, I can’t imagine how it would feel for someone who was alive for hundreds of years to now find out she was dying from a human sickness. She’d forgotten what it was even like to be human anymore, let alone now have to die as one.

I wanted to do something for her, anything just to save her. I wasn’t even sure if there was a way but there had to be.

She wanted a minute along. Of course she would, I could tell it was eating her up inside but of course she wouldn’t show it, that wasn’t like her. I wanted to slap Holden right there and then, that look on his face was so fake. He acted like he cared but he didn’t. She meant nothing to him, just another way to try and get at Angel. Only thing he’d care about if she died was that their plan went to hell. She didn’t need that sort of bullshit.

I headed towards the door after Holland but before I reached it words came out of her mouth. Barely above a whisper but I could still hear them.

“When were you going to tell me? Why did you have to wait until now?"

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to look at her. I couldn’t even get a word out, all I could do was look at her. That’s when I made up my mind. I turned back around to look out the door. I waited till Holland disappeared down the hallway then went and closed the door so Darla and I could be alone in the room. Turning around again I took a few steps towards her.

“I knew for awhile Darla, but they knew longer. They didn’t tell me because they feared I was going to do what I did end up doing.” I took a deep breathe. “I started to try and find ways to help you. Ways that didn’t involve going through them because if you did they’d hold that to you. Make you pay them back by using you to get to him.” Once again the thought of getting to him I didn’t but by using her to do that I didn’t like one bit.

“I would’ve told you sooner but I wanted to wait till I could find something concrete to go on.”

daylightfadings

You could not have a clean break from them.

At first, I figured I would return home and make the best of my life or what was left of it. However, after I had been on the road for a while, I realized that was not an option. I wasn’t welcomed in that town, never was and even now as much as I had changed and how established I made myself I still wouldn’t be welcomed. I left to get away from that place, to prove everything there that I was something more. I also wanted to make something better of my life. I wanted power and money, I didn’t want to continue living a life with hardly anything.

Going back there would only make me sink to the bottom again.

I turned around and figured I would find something somewhere for me. I went from town to town until one day someone came into a bar asking about me. I knew right then and there it was them searching for me, Wolfram and Hart. I should’ve known better, I guess I just wasn’t using my head anymore. After that I knew I had to get out of there and find some way to go undetected. That’s when I remembered this client I had a few years ago. He told me about the monks in Tibet and how knowing the right monks could get you far.

First chance I got I took it and made my way to Tibet. Nice place might I say.

Before long I killed the right demons, did the first rituals and the monks were on my side. Got these tattoos that go deep in the skin. Nothing is going to remove them. Now its not what your thinking, I didn’t get these tattoos for the pleasure of getting them, I got them before they are magical, even have a certain vibe that I can feel humming off of them. These tattoos give me a free ticket to walk freely wherever I want without worry of the senior partners finding me. Pretty nice deal might I add, but it wasn’t just that tattoos. The monks have also been teaching me certain skills so to speak. I am a much better fighter then ever before, that bastard vampire with a soul would have nothing on me anymore.

I wanted to stay longer and learn more of their ways here but somehow I got an interesting letter. It was from a man by the name of Mr. Renfield and man did he have news for me.

He claimed that the LA branch of Wolfram and Hart was destroyed, also that he was re employing the staff at the Rome branch. Now of course all this seems a little bit fishy to me. First off I didn’t understand how he found me which I was mentioned shortly after he mentioned the destruction of the LA branch. I guess they had me tracked to Tibet but once I got the ruins on me I went off their radar, you could say that’s a good thing. Means these things are actually working.

It also said he wasn’t sure if I would still be here but it was worth a shot because he had a position for me I couldn’t refuse; CEO of Wolfram and Hart. Now of course there was some minor details to it, such as Lilah also being CEO with me. Which the job should be all mine but hey I’m not going to complain just yet. I’ll make sure she fucks up somehow and I get the spot all to myself, that’s if I even take this. Call me a bit paranoid if you want but it’s a bit odd to walk away from Wolfram and Hart and have them come after you and then all of a sudden offer you a job, especially a job as CEO. Then again what do I have to lose? I might as well head over there and check it out, since they can’t detect me I could show up earlier then I’m suppose to and case out the place; which is exactly what I did.

Got there a month before I was suppose to. Only problem is I fell for a girl. Amazing girl might a add, I’ve never meet anyone like her. And she seems so normal, nothing of this life that I live.

So now I face yet another obstacle, do I take this job and hope she doesn’t find out or get hurt from it and lie to her about what I do? Or not take the job and move away with her?

thenight_begins

I couldn’t feel a damn thing. Everything felt numb and not real. I was in some sort of dream. Well, more of a nightmare. I was standing at the front doors of Wolfram and Hart and then there he was. My father stood there looking at me and just shook his head. I walked through the doors and started to walk towards him but everything was getting burly, it felt like the hallway kept on getting longer and longer. And then I heard the laughing around me. I saw Jimmy and Tom and the others, the kids that lived on the other side of the tracks, the part that wasn’t dirt poor like my side.

I glanced down at my hands, they were smaller like a kids and my suit was no longer on me. Instead I had on a pair of jeans so worn out that the dark blue color they were originally was now a light blue and my shirt was a white t-shirt with dark stains all over it. As I finally started to near my father, demon’s filled the place but there was a sword only a few inches away from me. I picked it up and just started to swing every way I could, chopping them to pieces and when I finally killed them all I got to my father. Only he wasn’t my father anymore.

It was Angel…

That bastard. I swung my sword at him and made a swift slice through his neck chopping off his head. But instead of turning to dust his head and body just fell to the ground. I glanced down at his head as it rolled over. I look of shock covered my face as I saw his face….my father’s face. It wasn’t Angel’s head I chopped off it was his.

Everything around me started to change. All of a sudden I was standing outside my old house with my father’s body in front of me. I turned around and all the bodies of the demons were now the bodies of Jimmy and Tom and the rest of those no good for nothing bastards.

I looked in horror at the scene but then a feeling of satisfaction started to over come me. Then I smelled something. Something had to be burning. I glance down and I was back in my suit. By the time I glanced back up everything around me was gone. There was nothing but darkness and that smell. It continued to grow stronger and stronger. Then I felt heat, my skin was boiling. Instead of darkness everything was lit up. Hues of red, orange and yellow. Fire all around me. I couldn’t breath, I started to panic, sweat was pouring from my face. Then my eyes flashed open and it was her, kneeling beside me. Frantically I tried to get up but I quickly felt a stringing pain on my side which sent me back down. I could barely move. My eyes flew back and forth scanning the room.

“W-what, where” I took a deep breath. “it was just a dream wasn’t it.” I said softly. My eyes meet up with hers. “I’m surprised you even brought me in, especially with the way I treated you. You shouldn’t just left me at the door to rot.”

I tried to let out a laugh but quickly brought my hand to my side. It burned like hell if I laughed or if I did anything involving too much movement.

beyond_re

What better way to get back at someone then bring back their former lover. Better yet bring back the thing that made them who they are. You see there was once this nasty evil creature of the night, went by the name of Angelus. Unfortunately he got cursed with a soul and has been bugging the hell outta me. Also hasn’t been on the best of terms with the senior partners. So what made him Angelus in the first place, a lovely vampire named Darla. We have done much research on her and she was also a ruthless vampire. Sired by the master himself. So say we bring back this Darla and have her tempt Angel once again. Of course this time things will be a bit different. You see we are brining Darla back but with a soul. Can just imagine how that will torment him, seeing his former lover like that. And of course we hold the key to taking her soul will we know she will want. What vampire would want to live with a soul.

I glance down at the crate at the figure that was now within. A pretty little blond was in there all huddled up in a corner. “Let’s see here” Holland was about to walk up to her, I put my arm out and stopped him. I gave him a glance and he backed off. I grabbed the blanket out of his hand and walked up to the crate . I kneeled down and handed it to her. She looked like a abandoned puppy. “Here take this.” I gave her a reassuring look.

Just imagine the look on his face when he finds out that I’m making it nice with his former girl. Oh how I loved being evil and working for Wolfram and Hart. This was one of the best plans yet. I loss my hand because of him, but the senior partners said they will settle the score, especially with what’s in the crate. Guess pay backs a bitch, well it will be for him.

[Open to Darla and Lilah]